Health tips - We're social creatures so when our friend is sad we are sad for them. And when a friend is dealing with a major grief experience it can be totally frustrating when we don't know what to do to help them, especially around the holidays.Hence this three part article of of hints and tips. Yeah, it's that important.
Do not say any combination of "I know how you feel" plus a reference to a deceased non human animal.
This means do not say
know how you feel, I miss my rabbit Fluffy so much on New Year's Eve
or
I know how you feel, this is the first Christmas without my cat Mimi.
or
Yeah when my dog died, I couldn't get out of bed for a week, so I know exactly how you feel.
It's not that it doesn't hurt deeply and specifically when we lose our pets. It does. It's not that your grief doesn't matter because it does. But the grief for non human animals is very specific and because of that, you don't know exactly how your friend feels.
For example, after my second partner in a row died, I got the following email (this is literally just cut and pasted with no embellishment at all although I did change the name of the cat to protect the feelings of the clueless):
Dear Kelli we are all devastated with the loss of Cheryl. I hate cancer and all it takes from us. We lost our furkid Frances to cancer as well. She was taken away from us way too soon, she had so much more life to live.
Please note that the person was talking about an American housecat. This is why the comment makes no sense. It's not that the person isn't going to miss her cat. I am sure she will horribly. But the cat being taken from us too soon? Because she had more life to live? That's just a little bit ludicrous.
Unless the cat had a novel it has always planned to write or a foundation to feed starving kittens that it was never able to start, it's not the same level of "so much more life to live" The cat was mostly just going to take more naps, sit on more laps and eat more food. It's not exactly the same.
You don't have to agree with this, I get a lot of pushback every time I say it in public. But do the grieving people you love a favor and just don't compare.
Don't demand any specific kind of emotional reaction from your grieving friend
You want your friend to be happy, and that comes from a generous beautiful place. And you want them to have a happy holiday season, especially if they've been involved in caregiving for a long time. All that is great.
So invite them to parties, offer them logistical help, invite them over to your house, ask them if they'd like you to come over and bring pizza and watch Netflix. But don't expect cheerfulness and don't expect tears, because either might happen. The more realistic approach is to be prepared for either, or even more commonly, a combination of both.
PS If you are a grieving after a loss, you can send this article to your friends and write "That Kelli Dunham she is soooo difficult. Can you believe all this stuff she says about how people should treat their grieving friends" They will still read it and hopefully learn, but they'll be mad at me, not you. Health tips
source :
https://www.verywell.com/compassion-for-grieving-friend-526599