Health tips - If you're trying to support a family caregiver, you might be worried about their level of isolation and the impact the isolation may be having on their health. And this is no idle worry either; studies show that people involved in intense family caregiving situations may have as many as 40 percent more health crises than their non caregiving peers.
But for many caregivers, trying to reach out seems impossible; they are too tired, too stressed, too frustrated, sometimes too full of anger and often too busy to try and seek the support they seek.
Enter YOU the caregiving support person extraordinaire (you sought out this article didn't you?). What can you do to help the caregiver not just logistically but emotionally? When the caregiving needs to talk, how can you make sure your ears are welcoming?
DO
Offer to help them with a logistical task in order to have time to talk. For example, propose "I heard you say you had to take all those old clothes to the thrift shop to make room for your mom's hospital bed. Would it be okay if I came along to help? I could come almost any weeknight this week, help you carry things and then we can get a chance to chat as well."
That's going to get you SO MUCH further than "why don't you ever talk to me? Don't you see I'm trying to help you?" Guaranteed.
DO
Offer a more relaxing or novel way to interact and spend time with you. This is especially true if they don't have an easily accessible logistical errand you can help them with.
DO
Take communication as it comes. Does your friend want to text? Talk online? Gchat? Facebook chat at 3 am? One of the most generous things you can do as a person not in the time zone with your friend is to make yourself available at their middle of the night when it is your early morning, late morning etc.
Don't
Say "I know exactly how you feel." Even if you are in exactly the same situation, unless you are exactly the same person with the same previous experiences and identical anatomy, you don't know.
Don't
Vent back. Are you familiar with the concept of kvetching circles? Susan Silk explained it really well in an LA TImes article:
Here are the rules. The person in the center ring [the sick person, or their primary caregiver] can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens and say, "Life is unfair" and "Why me?" That's the one payoff for being in the center ring. When you are talking to a person in a ring smaller than yours, someone closer to the center of the crisis, the goal is to help. Listening is often more helpful than talking. But if you're going to open your mouth, ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort and support
None of this to say you shouldn't vent. You should be finding support for yourself, especially in a very intense situation or if the caregiver is a close friend who would usually be the person you would turn to for comfort. Just vent to the appropriate person. Health tips
https://www.verywell.com/how-to-listen-so-caregivers-will-talk-526637